When I was driving back to the office a couple
of weeks ago, I had CBC Radio on the dial and was listening to the noon-hour
call-in show. (Note to self: Why is it that I often listen to such shows when I
have hated them for decades?)
The guest was a well-known television businessman
Brett Wilson, best known as the Dragon (on The
Dragons’ Den) who has made the most deals with aspiring entrepreneurs who
pitch on the show. He is also known as a philanthropist and speaker, but was on
the radio show to talk about his new book Redefining
Success/Still Making Mistakes. The call-in aspect of the show was listeners
sharing how age, (often negative) experiences, and wisdom have led them to
define success more broadly and in less material ways. Factors like quality of
relationships, impact on community, and happiness become far more important
than earlier in their lives.
There were a couple of comments that really
struck me. One was from Wilson, when he said that, contrary to the impression
given by the show, he is never really investing in products or specific ideas.
This is because so many of them will fail. What he is really identifying when
forming a new partnership is the calibre of the people. In particular, he is looking for passion,
adaptability, innovation, willingness to make mistakes, and character. Whether
a specific idea makes or not is not as important as the person who is behind
the idea. He used a number of examples of partnerships that were successful not
because of the initial failed concepts, but because of the subsequent ideas and
the people who drove them. That is a powerful message for educators about what
we should be promoting in our students.
The other comment that stuck with me is a
version of an old adage: Success is not
defined by the abilities you have, but by what you do with them. As
educators and parents, we have to find that right line between embracing/loving
kids for who they are at their core, while also pushing them to reach their potentials.
That is a giant grey area for most of us. How do we encourage kids to do well,
to make the most of their abilities, while not forcing them to be someone they
aren’t?
On one hand, there are many teenagers who
need some big pushes. Some are used to the path of least resistance, others are
lacking in self-esteem, some have limited ambition relative to their
talents, and some are averse to trying something they may fail at. So, part of the adult role is helping them overcome these challenges. My wife and I are always asking ourselves whether
we have done this at appropriate levels for each of our three children, knowing
that the answer is very much child and age-specific. When is the right time to allow the child not to be in the band or play that sport ... and what takes its place?
On the other hand, I recently read a
piece by Jane Brophy in the NY Times about the role of adults in helping
youth shape their futures … who they are. It brings together a variety of
concepts including the nature/nurture debate, concepts of embracing diversity,
and how we sometimes want kids to be who
we want them to be, rather than who they truly are. As much as I see
teenagers who need to be pushed, I see examples of families who force kids in
direction that is not right for them, despite what are the parents’ best
intentions. I was, however, heartened by some lunchtime conversations with
Appleby students last week where they all indicated that their parents are
fully supportive of their pursing their dreams at a high level, even if the
dreams are unconventional or unlikely.
Brophy’s article is excellent food for
thought.
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