The Parent's Dilemma - When to Let Go of the Tiller?

When I was driving back to the office a couple of weeks ago, I had CBC Radio on the dial and was listening to the noon-hour call-in show. (Note to self: Why is it that I often listen to such shows when I have hated them for decades?)

The guest was a well-known television businessman Brett Wilson, best known as the Dragon (on The Dragons’ Den) who has made the most deals with aspiring entrepreneurs who pitch on the show. He is also known as a philanthropist and speaker, but was on the radio show to talk about his new book Redefining Success/Still Making Mistakes. The call-in aspect of the show was listeners sharing how age, (often negative) experiences, and wisdom have led them to define success more broadly and in less material ways. Factors like quality of relationships, impact on community, and happiness become far more important than earlier in their lives.

There were a couple of comments that really struck me. One was from Wilson, when he said that, contrary to the impression given by the show, he is never really investing in products or specific ideas. This is because so many of them will fail. What he is really identifying when forming a new partnership is the calibre of the people.  In particular, he is looking for passion, adaptability, innovation, willingness to make mistakes, and character. Whether a specific idea makes or not is not as important as the person who is behind the idea. He used a number of examples of partnerships that were successful not because of the initial failed concepts, but because of the subsequent ideas and the people who drove them. That is a powerful message for educators about what we should be promoting in our students.

The other comment that stuck with me is a version of an old adage: Success is not defined by the abilities you have, but by what you do with them. As educators and parents, we have to find that right line between embracing/loving kids for who they are at their core, while also pushing them to reach their potentials. That is a giant grey area for most of us. How do we encourage kids to do well, to make the most of their abilities, while not forcing them to be someone they aren’t?

On one hand, there are many teenagers who need some big pushes. Some are used to the path of least resistance, others are lacking in self-esteem, some have limited ambition relative to their talents, and some are averse to trying something they may fail at. So, part of the adult role is helping them overcome these challenges.  My wife and I are always asking ourselves whether we have done this at appropriate levels for each of our three children, knowing that the answer is very much child and age-specific. When is the right time to allow the child not to be in the band or play that sport ... and what takes its place?

On the other hand, I recently read a piece by Jane Brophy in the NY Times about the role of adults in helping youth shape their futures … who they are. It brings together a variety of concepts including the nature/nurture debate, concepts of embracing diversity, and how we sometimes want kids to be who we want them to be, rather than who they truly are. As much as I see teenagers who need to be pushed, I see examples of families who force kids in direction that is not right for them, despite what are the parents’ best intentions. I was, however, heartened by some lunchtime conversations with Appleby students last week where they all indicated that their parents are fully supportive of their pursing their dreams at a high level, even if the dreams are unconventional or unlikely.

Brophy’s article is excellent food for thought.

Understanding

“Data is not information, information is not knowledge, knowledge is not understanding, understanding is not wisdom.” – Clifford Stoll

“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” – George Bernard Shaw

“The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't said.” – Peter Drucker

 

One of the speakers at the CAIS annual conference for Heads, Prof. Chris Bart from McMaster, had a stimulating presentation on good governance as it applies to independent schools. He used a variety of tools to ensure that his session struck the right balance been intellectual depth of the content and enjoyment for the audience (… always a nice thing when you are in three days of meetings.)

He made some comments about communication that made sense on many levels. I couldn’t help but think about my own challenges in being both a good spouse and parent with respect to communicating. (My wife Alison has made it clear that further references to Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus are no longer de rigueur at home!) And it is clear that schools and teachers are constantly searching for ways to provide students the tools to be good communicators and to fully understand what that means. It is universally recognized as one of those critical life skills.

Bart revisited the view that communication has only been achieved when a message has been a) sent, b) received, c) understood, and d) interpreted. Many assume that the job is done after only step a) or b). Often (but certainly not always) the understanding of that sequence is directly proportional to age, so it is an important focus with students.

What really stuck with me from that portion of his presentation was the tool he used to illustrate it – an ad relating to the French translation of the fabulous movie March of the Penguins (about the migration of Emperor Penguins in Antarctica.) Take a look and use it with anyone who tends to focus only on sending messages.

Remembrance & Generations

On Thursday, we held our annual Remembrance Day Chapel services, which were both poignant and lovely. (There are videos of the services included in the selection on the right side of my blog page.) Much of the impact was due to the elements of the services – music, lessons, the reading the Honour Roles, and the laying of memorial wreaths – and how they were delivered by students and faculty.

I was particularly delighted about two specific parts of the service. First was the address by Curran Egan ’08, who in addition to doing graduate work in military history and serving on the Appleby Alumni Board, is a 1st Lieutenant in the Royal Regiment of Canada. Curran did a wonderful job talking about the act of remembrance, including the nature of our military history as well as the reality and tragedy of war. He also did an uncommonly good job in linking our acts of remembrance to the lives of students today, including how young men and women can honour the legacy of previous generation through their own non-military actions. I think Curran struck the perfect balance between asking his audience to appreciate the past, and asking them to allow it to inform their futures. He also made his point in a way that translated into the diversity of the Appleby student body of 2012.

The other aspect related to the second service when it was our privilege to host, in addition to Curran, three alumni veterans: Don Benson ’52 who served as a Lieutenant in the 48th Highlanders of Canada; Tom Holden ’41, who served in the RCNVR as a Lieutenant (N) on HMCS Gananoque on active service in the Atlantic, and Bill Joyce ’34 (also a long-serving Appleby faculty member) who was on active service in Europe with the Fort Garry Horse as well as in Field Marshal Bernard Montgomery’s Headquarters. He retired as a Lieutenant Colonel with a DSO. (There are also some photos of these guests in the slideshow on the ride side of the blog.)

There are times when alumni and students come together and there is a magic of interaction, which electrifies the community. For me, that was the case on Thursday. Not only were students humbled and fascinated to see men who were part of history, but I could also tell that there was a deep appreciation to be in the presence of those who answered a far more dangerous call of service to society than we will ever face. We all wonder how we will react to moments that require courage.

There are times when adults lament about lack of values or respect in the young people of today. If Thursday was any indication, this generation has a very healthy sense of respect and thoughtfulness.

My sense is that our veterans also found the services to be meaningful and special. Not only did it connect them to their “second homes” growing up (including remembering the school-mates, some of whom never came home,) it also allowed them to feel a sense of appreciation from the Appleby community for their service. In the 1970s and 80s, as a society we didn’t do a very good job paying tribute to those who served and those who died. It is one of those things that we are getting better at. It’s just too bad that so many who would have appreciated it are no longer with us.

I hope that we will be able to have more veterans return for future services – it is one of those things that they would enjoy, and there is no doubt that their involvement is a powerful experience for students and employees at Appleby today.

I am also interested in other ideas about how alumni involvement can enhance student experiences. Inter-generational connection is an important part of growing up, as it can create a profound, broader and more fulsome perspective for our young people.

A Day (or Two) in the Life

I often get asked by friends and relatives what I do in a typical day. This is usually followed by a more incredulous inquiry about how it is possible to stay busy working over the summer in a school. And there often a great deal of speculation by faculty in schools and universities about how effectively school administrators use their time. (Fortunately, that’s not an issue at Appleby … I hope!)

While I don’t plan on itemizing a typical day in my Appleby life, it did occur to me that the end of last week included some remarkable school events, which I had the privilege to be a part of. So I thought that I would highlight a few things that took place here from Thursday night to Saturday afternoon:

·         Thursday evening was the first ever Olla Podrida! The name for a seasoned Spanish stew of many ingredients, OP was a variety show tied to the theme of love that combined many of the arts in a fast paced 90 minutes +/-. It was wonderful. With emcee (and Arts Prefect) Ryan Hubner directing traffic with in his own a friendly and humorous way, there was a fine mélange of ingredients in the 2012 version of OP: a mesmerizing magic show, a super guitar performance, 2 funny one act plays dealing with the complexities of blind dates, two evocative and beautiful modern dances; and a series of remarkable music performances that showcased a wide variety of talents. It was a very special evening and, without exception, the performers acquitted themselves well. Check out the photo in the slideshow (to the right) of the cast at the end of OP.

·         On Friday morning, my day started with coffee with Appleby’s greatest modern day volunteer leader and philanthropist Aubrey Baillie ’63. Aubrey, who must have left his home in Toronto at an unmentionable time to meet me in Oakville at 7 am, is the perfect role model for Appleby graduates. He combines well-known and respected career success in the financial services industry with a longstanding and profound commitment to both serving and bettering the many communities he is a part of (including Appleby.) To top it off, Aubrey is wonderful and loving family man – the perfect “triple threat”.

 

·         Aubrey and I then participated in the Appleby Foundation’s Loan Committee meeting, chaired by another great community champion and former Chair of the Appleby Board, Peter Willis. Many people don’t realize that Appleby distributes more than $2.25 million in needs-based scholarships, bursaries and loans annually to students who would not otherwise be able to attend the school. Some of these kids are from economically challenged backgrounds and receive large awards, while others are from middle class backgrounds and receive much less – it is all based on their family’s financial profile. I believe passionately that great kids are at the heart of a great school, so our ability to attract wonderful students, regardless of their backgrounds, is an important plank of our future success.

 

·         Later that morning were the two all-school chapel services, this week being run by the Peer Counselors and focusing on the theme of “gratitude”. While we are very much a multi-faith community, chapel serves as a powerful connector between students and faculty as a communal time for reflection and celebration. Chapel is grounded in our Anglican tradition but Canon Lennox and his team ensure that all major world religions are included in readings, sermons, music and other elements of the services. The Peer Counseling program is an important part of school culture. The empathy and advising skills that our student counselors show is a testament to their maturity. Their ability to help many students with a variety of life challenges contributes a great deal to what is a warm and supportive school culture. I was most impressed with the beauty of the prelude guitar/vocal performance at Friday’s service, as well as the energy of the counselors’ rendition of “I’ll Be There for You” (better known as the theme from Friends.)

 

·       On Friday afternoon, I watched of boys varsity volleyball team play in the league semi-finals at St. Mike’s in Toronto. The boys get full credit for getting into the playoffs, but didn’t have their best game, eventually succumbing to the volleyball juggernaut three sets to one. Fortunately, three days later they had a superb match against Crescent, thereby qualifying for the provincial championship tournament (OFSAA) in two weeks.

 

·         Friday evening brought Appleby Rocks – the culminating performance for 19 students in this fall term co-curricular. I loved the show (as did my parents-in-law who were staying with us for the weekend.) The performances were spectacular and I was floored by the calibre of musicianship, energy, and creativity. Most of the tunes were right up my alley - there was a great variety of R&B, jazzy folk, rock and rap, including a couple of original compositions. Between Olla Podrida! And Appleby Rocks, there is no doubt that the arts are an area of immense strength and passion for our students.  (See the slideshow for a photo of the finale.)

·         On Saturday morning, Appleby hosted the CISAA championship tournament for Junior Girls Field Hockey. Our team finished fourth in the regular season, so were matched against #1 seed Villanova. In a really exciting match, our girls came back from a 1-0 deficit to upset the league champions and secure a birth in the final versus LCS. The final was well-played by both teams, but we ended up with the silver. The smiles and satisfaction of the girls (see the photo) certainly helped warm the hearts (if not the bodies) of the many family and friends who watched on a cold but beautiful fall day on the shores of Lake Ontario.

So, that is a snapshot of a couple of days in my life at Appleby. I hope it provides you a glimpse of why I feel fortunate to be the principal of such a wonderful school.

Big Questions for Appleby

Last week I attended the Canadian Accredited Independent Schools (CAIS) annual conference of Heads and Board Chairs, held in conjunction with the business officers’ conference. I usually count on at least one “dud” session per day for conferences I attend, but this one was very good and   “dud-free”.

Perhaps the best part of it was the opportunity to spend time and compare notes with principals from schools across the country, as well as a couple of international ones. I was surprised about how many (at least 20) of them I knew from past lives, and how collegial heads are, even with competitors. I was touched that, in the months leading up to my start at Appleby and over summer, I was treated to lunch or dinners with seven current or former principals and I was shocked to receive flowers and gift baskets from another half dozen in my first month. I count many of these people as good friends and some as extraordinary mentors and role models.

Education has an uncommon range of complex relationships between both people and institutions that are at the same time both competitors and partners. For example, Appleby has that kind of relationship with many outstanding feeder schools with whom we also compete for Grade 7 and 8 students. It takes a great deal of nuance to make these work, but effective relations are more the rule than the exception.

The conference had a great range of presenters including: a panel of senior Canadian leaders from the finance sector moderated by Steve Paikin; Roger Martin, Dean of U of T’s Rotman School of Business (who announced the previous day that he will stepping down); Kendra O’Donnell,  retired Head of Phillips Exeter; Susan Wright a popular governance and strategy consultant in the Canadian independent school sector, and Fred Dust, a partner of IDEO ( a superb design firm focused on organization change, optimization and human dynamics – in my previous post about Tony Wagner and Innovation, he uses IDEO as a model for creativity in action.)

There were lots of takeaways, but Roger Martin was the most provocative in his presentation on strategy, and how educational institutions are often not sufficiently laser-focused on it. While he uses an eight-stage approach to strategy definition, he believes that the key revolves around only two questions:

·         Where should we play? For schools, this relates to student market (geography, student profile), program niches, and school culture niches.

·         How will we win? He was emphatic that saying “we will do what others do, only better” is not strategy and very rarely works. It is far more about differentiation. Clarity in strategy is often found by defining what an organization is not … what we do not do relative to our competition.

Roger also feels that management teams, boards and other stakeholders should all be clear and in agreement about what the succinct answers to these questions are. At Appleby, we have very strong programs that have changed remarkably in the last couple of decades. Moving forward, we also have a large range of priorities in our Strategic Refresh. Having said that, I would like to know what employees, students, parents and alumni think the answer to these questions are today. And more importantly, how do you think those answers should change as we look out five years?

Sugar Man

One of the early pieces of advice I received before I started at Appleby was to meet with the school’s auditor, lawyer, and major partners. So, last week I had the pleasure of having lunch with our lawyer, Eric Roher of BLG, a national leader in the field of education law.

Aside from all the interesting work chat, Eric told me about a fascinating story from the music world that captivated him. It is the story of a singer-songwriter named Sixto Rodriguez and a documentary called Searching for Sugar Man.

According to the Sugar Man website, “After his two critically acclaimed, early-1970s albums flopped in the United States, Rodriguez all but vanished from the music scene. But copies of those records found their way to South Africa, where they became, unbeknownst to him, the soundtrack to the anti apartheid movement.” He was “bigger than Elvis” there. The documentary film-maker set out to tell Rodriguez’s story (he is very much a Bob Dylan-like figure) and find out the circumstances of his death. The unbelievable story has helped spur on the most recent rediscovery of the artist.

Eric told me about the story’s twists and turns - it sounds fascinating. I can’t wait to see the documentary. (I heard that 60 Minutes also did a recent piece on the story.)

In the meantime, I managed to find a few of Rodriguez’s songs online and recommend them to you. It is great stuff and hard to figure out how they didn’t catch the imagination of North America 40 years ago.

Sugar Man

I Wonder

Inner City Blues

And his story