On any given day, I am juggling my "guilt pile" - those things I should have done days, weeks or months ago. Most recently, on the top of the pile has been posting some blog entries. So I am finally getting caught up, starting with my remarks at Closing Ceremonies on June 20. More to come on a regular basis.
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Some of the
middle aged members of the audience will remember a long-running series of tv
ads for the stock brokerage E.F. Hutton. They all featured busy locations full
of many people and lots of chatter. As soon as the main character says, “My
broker is E.F. Hutton and E.F Hutton says …”, there is complete silence and the
dozens of extras all strain their necks to listen in for the pearls of market
insights about to drop. Unfortunately, I sense that many of us who are school
Principals may delude ourselves into thinking that graduation audiences are straining
their ears in anticipation of Dumbledorian wisdom to spring forth form our lips.
But the more you are around graduation or university convocation audiences, the
more you realize that brevity seems to be the best path to success. While I
can’t promise brief, I will get you out well before dinner!
So with
that in mind, I’d like to share with you one reflection and two pieces of
advice – one to the graduands, and the other to (I was going to say adults, but
I think of the about-to-be graduates as adults – so let me call the parents,
grandparents, and friends) ‘the older folks’.
#1 -
Congratulations to all of our students from M1 to S2 for a most successful
year. From the academic performances, which we are honoring today and in the
fall; to great athletic results with multiple national and provincial medals (including
golds) and numerous league titles; to close to 200 of you spending time
overseas; to remarkable performances in the arts; to dedicated commitment to
making our communities better through almost 40,000 hours of service; to
friendships formed and friendships forged as strong as steel; to learning how
to live and co-exist with those who are different than you; to the joy of
writing your last high school exam just a few days ago; as I look back on this
year, I have to tell you that they make me smile. Not just a little grin, but a
wide, bright, beaming smile. And you should feel the same way.
To the
class of 2014 – for only a few more minutes the Senior 2 class – you are a
remarkable group. Many of you have nothing short of extraordinary abilities and
really special gifts. A few of you even have more than one of these gifts. They
range from talents to attitude to character to people skills.
While
Appleby has benefited from superb performances in formal leadership roles this
year – Prefects, house councils, captain, wardens, club heads – an even more
impressive reflection of your class has been the extent to which so many of you
have stepped up to show that small act of kindness, to understand when
leadership was really needed and fill that need. And that applied to high
profile classmates, to those of you who are very quiet, to those who are academic
stars, those for whom school was a bit of a struggle, and even to some of you
who have the knack for stirring the pot in a good natured yet mischievous way (you
know who you are). The bottom line is that the sum of all your actions, the
synergy of the class, is far greater than you as individuals. Mrs. Samson, Mr.
Grant and I are very proud of you all. The staff of Appleby – your teachers –
are proud of you. And I suspect that your parents, grandparents, siblings and
friends share that sense of immense pride.
As I was
listening to some of our Grade 8 POLs last week, I heard many great
presentations and thoughtful reflections - far more than when I was 13 years
old. One of the presentations focused on a student’s musings about the risks he
has taken – about trying new things. And he was bang on.
My advice
to the class of 2014 is: be wary of trusting your gut. You heard me correctly.
I am contradicting what has been one of the most the ubiquitous pieces of
graduation advice of the last few years:
that oft-repeated refrain “follow your gut - do what you love”.
I want you
to, at times, disregard your gut.
What do I
mean by that?
I want you
to do things differently. When you look at people who have done extraordinary
things in their lives, the achievements and successes that they are most proud
of usually have come from people stretching themselves, operating in a zone of
uneasiness, of doubt, of discomfort. And older people, when asked about regrets,
almost always talk about the risks that they didn’t take, rather than those that
they did.
Almost
everything that I am most proud of in my life those things that I look back as
being memorable – from running in student elections, innovating in jobs,
standing up to people I respect on a point of principle, being a father,
performing on stage, being with someone as they died, or skydiving for the
first time – they were all very, very difficult. Many of them I failed at first
time (although fortunately not skydiving.) The greatest rewards often come after the
most challenging journeys. In all these cases, a significant part of my gut
inclination was to avoid those situations because they would make me
uncomfortable.
I have no
doubt that all of you, each and every member of the class of 2014, has the
capacity to do well. Whether you were a star here or just got by, rest assured that
you have the tools to do just fine in university and beyond. You have been
through a demanding program at Appleby and have been forced to balance many
requirements in a structured, high-expectation environment. You do have the
ability.
The
greatest obstacle, the highest hurdle to your fulfilling your immense potential
will not be your ability, but rather your sense of creative ambition, your
capacity to imagine how great you really can be. And just as important, developing
a taste for risks – a taste for trying things that are completely different and
new, a taste for doing things that you may well fail at, a taste for being
uncomfortable. Those are the experiences which – win or lose – you will learn
the most from, yet they are also often the experiences which your gut will
direct you away from.
When I came
here two years ago, I heard a lot about the ‘Oakville bubble’ and the ‘Appleby
bubble’ – this sense of a protected Pollyanna experience. But what I have seen
is something quite different: many of you pushing yourselves out of your
comfort zones be it in Temagami, growing up in a foreign country in a different
language, trying new sports, international service trips, or performing in
front of the school. I hope that you felt comfortable doing those things
because, succeed or fail, you know that you belong at Appleby. This is one of
your homes.
Next year,
you, the members of the class of 2014 will not have the comfort of Appleby. But
I challenge you. I challenge to at least twice try next year try something
bold, something very different for you, something that you might very well fail
at.
Finally a
word of advice to the older folks here this morning, which in itself can be
seen as a courageous step for any school administrator!
About four
years ago I was in a meeting with the noted youth psychologist and author Adam Cox about an
ambitious study he was in the middle of. He was interviewing thousands of young
people from around the world – from different cultures, wealthy and poor, urban
and rural. He was asking them about the big life questions – What do you want
from life? What is important to you? What are the obstacles?
To this
day, I remember what he identified as the two commonalities in the vast
majority of his conversations. Across nationalities, religions, races, Dr. Cox
said that young people aspired to two things in life. The first should be of no
surprise to you: young people talked about a yearning to live a life of meaning. Of course, living a life of meaning can mean different
things to different people, but it usually relates to achieving three things: 1)
doing well – being successful, doing things at a high level; 2) being able to
do some things in your life that you love, which bring you great enjoyment; and
3) finding a way to improve your society – your community, your family, and the
world. Of course for most of us, we need to do a variety of things to fulfill
all three. Few endeavors speak to all three at the same time.
Even those
young people who may be thought of as unmotivated or lacking in potential still
aspire to live a life of meaning.
The other
common theme that Dr. Cox heard was that youth wanted to make their parents
proud – to be good children. And it wasn’t just the well behaved, straight-and-narrow
crowd. Here’s the kicker, even those teenagers whose parents had passed away, and
those who are in serious conflict with their parents, almost all of them all
talked about wanting to make their parents proud. It is such a powerful
message.
So you too
have a very important role in the next few years, and I don’t just mean in term
of paying university tuition fees. Think about how you can give permission for
these remarkable young people to take those risks, to dream big, to be
uncomfortable, to take a path different from the one that you may have.
For some,
it will be in the words you speak, for others it will be in the actions you
take or don’t take. I know that many teenagers have developed ideas about what
will make their parents proud based on the craziest indicators or assumptions.
And sometimes those interpretations are very far from the truth.
So, tell
them your own stories. Talk to them about what you regret from your younger
years, especially the things you didn’t do but wished you had. Tell them about
your own failures. Most of us who are parents never share those kinds of
thoughts with our kids because we worry about showing weakness or setting a bad
example. But in reality, those stories are very powerful ways that we can grant
our children the permission to explore and discover what their own best lives of meaning can be.
We all want
to make sure that our kids aren’t hurt. Ironically, the best way to do that, in
the long term, is by giving them your blessing to take those risks, to be bold
and to sometimes fail.
So to the
class of 2014 – have the courage to take risks. Develop the thirst for being
uncomfortable and not always trusting your gut. Aim big.
To the
parents and mentors – give that permission. Let them know that it will make you
proud.
To all of
our students from Grade 7 up, and especially the Class of 2014. Thank you for a
wonderful, memorable, and successful year. You’ve done the Appleby community
proud – congratulations!
Thank you
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