The Change We Don't Expect - Start of Winter Term Address to Students

We’ve just completed the second week of school, although for many students, staff and faculty, it feels like we’ve been back for a month already. That’s the nature of winter term. I thought that I would share a paraphrase of my remarks at the first all-student assembly of 2013, delivered Wednesday last week…

Good morning, welcome back and Happy New Year to each and every one of you!

Those of us who have been around for much of the last three weeks have seen winter finally arrive to campus, and have been able to bask in the beauty of snow and a quiet campus. Having said that, we are all delighted to see you back – the energy level jumped way up yesterday and it is wonderful to see so many smiling faces.

Because if how much is on the agenda this morning, I promised Alex that I will be briefer than usual. There are two things I would like to leave with you.

The first is to say congratulations on the Fall Term. While everything wasn’t perfect (it never is,) last term was impressive on many fronts. As someone new to Appleby, I was taken with the level of activity. The range of events, practices, shows, games and other happenings is amazing. You create a very positive energy, which makes this the special place it is. I was also very pleased to see so many acts of kindness and a sense of optimism – two things we talked about at the start of the Fall Term in the context of what makes a great class. Many of the Senior 2s showed superb examples of leadership and role modeling.

The second thing I wanted to talk you about relates to a story I read last week in the New York Times. I was drawn to it because of the title: “Why You Won’t Be The Person You Expect To Be.”

The article is based on the results of a study of 19,000 18 to 68-year-olds by psychologists at Harvard and Virginia. It deals with how we look back on how lives, and how we look forward, especially about how we change. It included a story told by one of the researchers about his daughter (now in her 20s) and how, when she was 4, she was sure that she would love Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles forever. This was because she couldn’t imagine what would substitute for them. I suspect that, if I asked her the same question about One Direction today, my 13-year daughter would feel the same way and give me the “talk to the hand" move.

We often look back with a combination of amusement, chagrin, and embarrassment with what we said, what we did, how we felt, and what we loved in years past. We are often amazed about the change and how different we are today. Think about yourself three, or five, or ten years ago.

But looking forward, we don’t imagine that our attitudes will change very much. This is called “The End of History Illusion.” We will change far more than we can imagine. An 18-year-old looks back and sees huge change from when she was 14, but doesn’t think that her views will change very much going forward. The same thing for a 22-year-old looking back to when he was 18; and the 35-year-old looking back on 25, and the 60-year-old looking back at 50. While it is true that the younger you are, the more change you will experience, and the greater is the gap between the actual change and the expected change, the illusion actually applies to people of all ages. I think about myself. If you asked me 13 years ago whether I would be the principal of an independent school, I would have that thought the prospect unimaginable.

It is an important thought – you will change far more than you expect.

One of my less-favourite American political figures is Donald Rumsfeld, who was both the youngest and oldest Secretary of Defense in US history. Rumsfeld was well known for an interesting quote about three spheres of knowledge – those things we know that we know; those things that we know that we don’t know; and – the most interesting – those things that we don’t know that we don’t know. To paraphrase a wiser man than Rumsfeld, Socrates, true wisdom comes from the realization of how little we know. In some ways, the End of History Illusion is a reflection of the I don't know what I don't know sphere.

Many teenagers feel that their parents have been sprinkled with a healthy dose of lameness. My children believe that I have been fermenting in the lame tub for way to long. That is one reason why we have a sign at the back door of our house that says “Just remember, as far as everyone else is concerned, we are a nice normal family”, even though my kids would adamantly disagree.

One of our traditions has been the family meeting over Christmas Break when we look back on the past year – what we were happy about and disappointed with, and consider the year ahead – hopes and goals. Every time we call this session, my kids’ eyes roll back into their heads better than any great white shark.

But I think, though, that it is a really healthy exercise, which is further reinforced by the End of History Illusion. We will all change a great deal in the next couple of years – far more than we expect – so it is important for us to own that change. In schools we talk a great deal about reflection: recognizing mistakes and weaknesses, as well as celebrating successes and happy moments. This is an important step towards making at least some of the future change we will experience deliberate.

So, I’d like to ask you to take 15 or 20 minutes over the next week to have that discussion. Maybe your parents are the best people to have the conversation with, maybe it’s a mentor, maybe it’s a brother or sister, or  maybe it’s just a buddy. The point is to have the conversation. Because, if you can start to imagine the future, the likelihood of it actually happening goes way up.

If the Fall term is a long distance race and the Spring term is a middle distance race, the Winter term is a sprint. There are only 9 weeks in the Winter term – that is only 60 days, and now it’s down to 59. Just think about that … 59 days to get a lot done.

For new students to Appleby (fellow 12ers), many of you will be feeling good about the transition. Some of you will still feel like you are working your way through it academically or socially. This is very normal and you will do just fine.  Remember to lean on people – older students, classmates, advisors - for help along the way.

For Senior 2s, you are in the process of going through that right of passage called the university application process. You will also get through it just fine.

For the Upper 2s, you have the winter Temagami trips coming up, and I am pleased to joining some of you on one later this month.

So … lots to do and only 59 days to get it done. Be deliberate, define what you want, plan it, and go after it. It will be over in a flash.

Finally, to the Senior 2s, stay focused on what you want your legacy as the class of 2013 to be for the next 50 years. How do you want to be remembered?

And to every one of you – stay focused on acts of kindness to others, maintaining an enduring sense of optimism, and enjoy the changes ahead.

Have a great winter term!