The Month of Contrast

Even beyond family (see my last post – The Turbo Season), December remains very much a study in contrasts. I always love Christmas festivities: things like carol services, shows, Christmas Eve, and Christmas Day celebrations (not to mention the holidays); but am struck by the pressure that accompanies December. There are often more tears, more guilt, and more anxiety in December than in the rest of the year, which seems so ironic for a season of joy.

For students, in large part this is due to exams. Based on the number of people I know who still have nightmares about exams (often decades after writing their last one,) they must rank up with fear of public speaking, arachnophobia, and fear of heights in the hierarchy of phobias.

Just a couple of weeks ago, we were in the middle of the Appleby carol services. While I am only halfway through my first year here, it is hard to imagine warmer, more beautiful, and more community-fulfilling events. And now, the Gym and the Bubble are full of Upper and Senior Schools students in exam mode. They must feel a bit like they have run out of a sauna and dived into a snow drift. The prospect of holidays in only a week must also seem like an invitation back into the sauna. But first is the task of digging out of the snow bank.

Not surprisingly, exams have been the focus of a great deal of conversations around here over the last few weeks. People have suggestions about the length of exams, formats, locations, how to deal with health issues, and whether they should be held in January rather than December. Exams are important on many levels. From an assessment standpoint, they provide a common platform for teachers to understand how successful each of their students has been. But there is also the question of stress. Stress is a good thing … in the right dosage and circumstance. Most of us have achieved our greatest triumphs in stressful moments. They are almost over-stated realities that we grow most when we are outside our comfort zones, and we learn the most about ourselves in times of failure.

While performance in school, university placement, and preparation for success in university are all important aspects of great schools, our real game is a 25-year one: our number one priority must be preparing our graduates with the attributes and attitudes – things like empathy, creativity, a strong moral compass, critical thing skills, courage – to be successful throughout life. While there is an immediate argument for the benefits of exams, I am most compelled by the longer term view.  It’s a bit like Senior 2 Boarding at Appleby. While we are interested in how students perform today, we are trying to prepare them for university when they may be facing 100%, three-hour exams; or making it through the defense of their doctoral thesis; or making the pitch to their company’s most important client, after staying up all night with a screaming newborn, and knowing that jobs are on the line; or dealing with a crisis involving life and death. Exams here are a baby-step towards life readiness.  How we – as parents and educators – help prepare them to address stressful situations is profoundly more effective in the long-term than helping them avoid these times. It becomes a critical, iterative process – face a tough situation (like an exam)… succeed or fail … reflect and adapt … face the next situation … get better … reflect and adapt … etc. If you take this perspective, it becomes more relevant to focus on effort than result. So long as the student shows commitment to the “reflect and adapt” steps, s/he will continue to get better prepared for life’s challenges. With that attitude, the process becomes a virtuous circle. Without it, it can become a destructive vortex.

There are two cautionary points. The first is to recognize when kids end up “over the line” in terms of the impact that stress has on them. One of the recent positive trends in education and society in general has been the more deliberate approach to mental health, especially relating to anxiety and depression. Organizations like CAMH, The Jack Project, and Queen’s University, among many others, are lending voice and providing tools to help young people and their families recognize and address these conditions. It’s important to recognize when our kids are dealing with challenging stress in a healthy way, versus when it may be contributing to mental illness.

The second caution is to try and keep the long-term perspective when reacting to sub-par performances. We have to know our children well enough to understand how to keep them motivated to be in the “reflect and adapt” mode, rather than either tuning their parents out, or living in fear of the parental reaction. Fear as a motivator is neither sustainable, nor healthy in the longer-term.

And if anyone knows how to get me to stop dreaming about showing late, half-dressed and not having attended any classes prior to my 100% Civil Engineering 293 final exam, please send word ASAP.